What Does It Mean to Surrender
The word "surrender" is thrown around a lot in the self-help world. If you aren't familiar with the concept, then it probably sounds like annoying language new-age folk say in between going to Reiki sessions and making kombucha. And if you are familiar with the process, then you know that it's really hard to do, regardless of where you are on the path of "LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE."
Why this is relevant to you: Because learning how to surrender is is a must if you want to pursue your dreams AND stay relatively sane, without abandoning your soul in the process. It's also one of the greatest tools for connecting to something bigger than ourselves in times of personal growth, grief, anxiety, and heartache.
Any time we're up against anything we care about, our egos go into overdrive. We feel vulnerable, and as a result, we try to avoid, protect, or control everything, which often just makes the situation worse. The result is increased stress and suffering (along with maybe larger bar tabs and regrettable mistakes). But if you learn to surrender and have faith in something greater than just what you can control (whether that's your soul, the universe, or the billions of galaxies orbiting the sky), you can relax into the moment, gather the clarity to act from an empowered place and stop over-obsessing/analyzing the situation.
When to surrender:
There are two reasons we surrender. We're either forced into it, out of desperation and defeat, or we willfully surrender, out of faith and trust.
If you're in the first camp, then you probably feel like you're hitting a wall, over and over again. That's usually a good time to throw your hands up in the air and say, "Alright big guy (or gal) in the sky! I'm doing something wrong. Can you please help a homie out, because I obviously don't know what I'm doing." If you find yourself utterly lost, overwhelmed with anxiety, or when life suddenly hands you a shit sandwich, that's usually a good time for you to let go and ask for help.
But surrendering does not have to be something you do out of desperation. For me, it's become a way of life. It's something I make an effort to actively practice everyday as a source of empowerment.The more you realize that you have control over very little, the more you can focus on the things you do have control over, and let everything else flow. When I'm in a good place, it's easy for me to surrender because I already feel connected, a I find relief in knowing that I don't have to have all the answers.
But What does it all meeeean? What does surrendering look like?
It means checking your ego and admitting that maaaybe your way of doing things isn't working out so well and that something needs to change
It means emptying your brain and letting go of all preconceived notions of what things are "supposed" to be like, so you can make room for a new and different way of seeing things
It means to take the focus off yourself and instead listen and observe others, your mind, your surroundings
It means letting days, situations, and circumstances flow, without doing anything to manipulate them
It means accepting the things you have no control over
It means being open to an even better outcome than you imaged for yourself, even if it's not the outcome you originally planned
It means being humble enough to ask for and allow help from outside sources
It means listening to your heart, and being open to signs from the universe, even if it feels risky at first
What happens when you surrender? It sounds scary.
It can be. But just because it's scary, it doesn't mean it's bad. When you surrender, you take off your blinders, and you gain new perspective that allows you to move forward in a different way, a way that maybe you were not previously aware of because you were too busy trying to muscle your way through a situation. You stop trying to force things to be as they "should be" and just accept how things are. Accepting things for how they are right now gives you the necessary perspective to move forward in a more calm, rational, courageous way.
As a result, you feel a sense of relief. You might even start to have hope again. You're open to more possibilities and new and better things show up in your life. You stop feeling so anxious and just enjoy the show. You don't feel so tired all the time, because you're no longer swimming against the current. Instead of trying to avoid the pain, you meet it, experience it, and process it, because the only way to the other side of pain is through. You heal, you learn, you grow.
Alright, alright. That all sounds dandy, but how the eff' do I do it?
Allow yourself to be uncertain. Be okay with not knowing and understanding everything. Be okay with not knowing WHY something happened. The answer will usually make itself apparent to you down the line. It has is the past, hasn't it?
Stop making decisions based on fear and what you're scared might happen. When you react out of fear, you limit your life to only the things that you are not afraid of. It's restrictive and anxiety inducing.
Stop being so cocky, and admit that you don't know everything.
Stop thinking with your ego, and start thinking with your soul.
Stop acting preventatively. You control things because you like having things your way, or you hate not knowing what's going to happen next. But that's exactly the problem. When you try and stop the bad stuff, you're also simultaneously stopping the good stuff! And even though you might like having everything your way, you don't know everything, remember? Maybe your way isn't the best way.
Stop planning everything in advance, to a tee. Go with the flow a little more, and see what happens. Even if it's uncomfortable, try doing things even if you don't know what the outcome will be
Have trust and faith in yourself. By now, you've probably been to hell and back in some difficult situation in your life. You made it, you survived. You are strong and capable of big shit and THAT is something to believe in! Have faith that you will get through this too, and come out on the other side stronger and more self actualized.
Have trust and faith in something bigger than yourself. I'm not talking about god (though it could be, if that's how you roll). It just needs to be something other than yourself, that makes you feel connected to the world. I usually call it the universe and I believe that she is out there supporting me, helping me learn the lessons I need to learn. If she created me, you, and everything we know, it means she's capable of great things. I find a lot of solace in the magic and possibility of that.
Any other tips?
I leave you with a few prayers, which you can use to embrace the art of surrendering. Say these out loud to yourself, the big mama in the sky, or whoever you think might be listening, and listen to how she responds.
Dear so and so:
"I surrender my thoughts, actions and beliefs to you. I am open to doing, thinking, and seeing things differently."
"Where would you have me go today? What would you have me do today? What would you have me say, and to whom?" -- A Course In Miracles
"My desire, my priority is inner peace. I don't know what would bring that to me. I leave the results of the situation in your hands. I trust your will. May your will be done." - Marianne Williamson